Author Archive
Living Down To Expectations
Posted by: | CommentsPeople really do live up to your expectations. In some cases they even live down to your expectations. And if you don’t have any expectations of them they can meet those, too. I happen to know that truth because one of my elementary school teachers told my parents not to expect too much out of me.
The teacher was reassuring enough….she told them that I would get along well in life because I was warm and friendly and people would like me, but that my grades would probably never be very high and they should consider a “C” to be good enough in my case. The bar was set low and I reached it – period.
Even though I wasn’t told what the teacher had said until I was an adult with a 4.0 grade point average in college, I suffered because of her assessment. When I got a low grade I wasn’t told to study harder or made to quit playing and hit the books. In fact, nothing was said at all, so I didn’t give school and grades much thought. I just went to the “yellow bird” reading circle (blue bird and red bird had the smart children in them) and barely passed.
Mononucleosis changed my attitude in 9th grade. I had a bad case of it and had to miss nine weeks of school. Only my ability to pass make-up tests could guarantee that I would advance to the next grade with the rest of my class. The fact that I had to learn a half-semester’s material on my own and take the make-up tests all at once scared me into my books.
If I wasn’t sleeping I was studying, and an amazing thing happened. I made straight A’s! Straight A’s! Nobody was more astounded than I was. By ninth grade I had figured out that I must not be very smart because a girl on the school bus had called me “dense” and I knew my grades were low. My newly-discovered brain enjoyed making 100’s on tests and I enjoyed the accolades so much that I continued to make high grades for the rest of my academic career.
My father, who is big on being a lifetime learner, has told me many times how sorry he is that he listened to that teacher. If a teacher tells you your child isn’t capable of much, prove the teacher wrong by going the extra mile to help your child be all they can be. After all, who is going to believe in your child if you don’t?
When You’re Suddenly on the Wrong End of the Rope
Posted by: | CommentsHave you ever had a naked man knock on your front door? Have you ever had the Sherriff commandeer your horse to go look for car thieves who might be hiding in your cattle feeders? If you answered yes to one or both of these questions you will undoubtedly understand how I ended up owning a vicious Saint Bernard.
The naked man incident and the car thief incident happened less than two weeks apart. My husband and I lived so far out in the country it took an hour to drive to the grocery store and our closest neighbor was almost two miles away. Suddenly, I did not feel safe when my husband left for work…and silly me had always thought the country was much safer than the city!
As if that is not bad enough, the dogs I had at the time escorted the naked man to the front door, happily announcing our visitor, and they were all tails-a-waggin’ when the Sherriff and three of his deputies searched our barn and hayloft for the car thief. I needed a mean dog…a real watchdog…a dog that could protect me.
We found Stanley on death row. He was a “three times and you’re out” dog. He had bitten three people and we knew he was the dog we wanted. The pound allowed us to sign papers saying we knew he was a biter and that we accepted responsibility for him.
You should have seen the slobber sling from that dog’s mouth when he was trying to bite my husband….we couldn’t even get him out of the pickup truck when we got home from the pound! My husband had to park the truck in the shade and while I distracted Stanly he’d rush in and put food and water in the bed of the truck. It took three days but my husband finally got Stanley familiar enough with him that he could untie the rope and get him out of the truck.
Stanly was so good at his job that we had to keep him tied up – so he wouldn’t bite me!
One day, to my horror, Stanley broke his rope and got into the horse paddock where he began chasing a yearling colt. I knew that even if Stanley didn’t catch him he was going to drive him through the fence and without thinking of anything other than the colt’s safety, I began chasing Stanley and I grabbed hold of his rope. Stanley weighed more than I did and he pulled me around that paddock like a skier behind a boat for about three minutes. When he suddenly stopped it dawned on me all too quickly that I had a problem.
A hundred and thirty pounds of the meanest dog I’d ever seen was facing me down at the end of the rope I didn’t dare let go of. I had to make my move. It was me or him. My husband wasn’t home so I was on my own. With everything I had I started yelling, “Bad dog!” “Bad dog!” I got as big and tall as I could and I started reeling him in with big yanks and jerks. “Bad dog! Bad dog!” Boldness came out of the depths of my fear and from that moment on that dog was my dog.
When you go after something you think you want and you come to realize that it is out of control, get hold of yourself. Get big, get bold, and jerk it back to the place it needs to be. When you are afraid of what your immediate future holds, dig deep and face the facts. Take charge of your life, be responsible for you decisions, good or bad….if you don’t, you’ll find yourself at the end of your rope facing down something that might just take a big ole bite outta ya!
One Encouraging Word Can Make a Difference
Posted by: | CommentsWhen my husband and I separated after 11 years of marriage there was only one woman who encouraged me to do the work and stick it out. She wasn’t even someone I knew very well, but she pulled me aside after a meeting and told me that her separation was the best thing that had ever happened to them.
One woman gave me the encouragement to keep trying. I don’t know why so many people seem so eager to support the death of a marriage. We all know that “wherever I go, there I am,” and that while first marriages have a 50% chance of failing, second marriages have a 70% chance of failing.
It is actually shocking to me when I hear anyone explain that the reason for their divorce is as simple as “we’ve grown in different directions.” Or, “we were so young. We didn’t really know enough about what we wanted in a spouse. We fell out of love. That old spark just isn’t there anymore.” Those things can be fixed with work, with effort, with commitment.
My daddy taught me that there were only two reasons that I could come back home after I got married. The first was if my husband abused me and the second was if he became a “habitual adulterer,” which is way different from a man making a huge mistake once. My first marriage lasted almost three years. I was allowed to come back home.
I can talk about divorce because I had one. Even though I wanted the marriage to end I was not prepared for the grief, the depression and the remorse I felt when it was over. I mourned the death of my marriage for years after it was over. It was the death of a dream, an ideal, and the end of a live-in relationship for my daughter with her father. Divorce stinks…even when you honestly believe you need one.
When my second husband and I separated we used the space and distance to work out our misunderstandings…that is what we suffered from. We read each other’s minds, had preconceived notions about what we thought the other one really thought, and we could not communicate without the white noise of our internal conversations convincing us that we were miles apart in every area of our lives. My husband once said our marriage had been as dead as Lazarus but that it had been raised from the dead.
I thank God every day for the one woman who gave me a seed of hope. I could see how truly happy she was and I wanted that for me, for my husband and for my children. For over 15 years I have had the kind of marriage others desire for themselves…and though it is hard to imagine…I have it with a guy I had gotten desperately tired of trying to have a marriage with.
God can fix anything you give over entirely to Him. If you will surrender trying to fix your spouse and get to work on fixing your relationship with God like I did, you will become the mate God always intended your spouse to have. And when you are that person, your spouse will respond in kind.
The Turtle Pen
Posted by: | CommentsMy father, Zig Ziglar, likes to say he’s had a mechanical by-pass…if a project requires tools he believes himself to be beyond teaching and beyond help. I watched him struggle more than one Christmas eve to put toys together for my little brother Tom, who is almost 10-years my junior. I tend to agree with his assessment.
Everyone who ever watched Dad try to hammer a nail knew that God skipped over giving him the ability to build things and gave him in abundance the ability to build up mankind. Even at the age of six, when I asked Dad if he could build me a pen outdoors to keep box turtles in I knew it was asking a lot, a whole lot, but the hope in my eyes inspired him to give it a try.
I didn’t see the slack in the chicken wire, the different lengths of the stakes he drove into the ground, or the places that any turtle could breech in a moment’s notice. I saw my Daddy doing something just for me! I remember jumping up and down with joy, thanking him when he finished building the pen. Daddy had just made it possible for me to have my first box turtle and I was elated.
I can’t count the number of turtles that escaped from that pen over the years or the number of times Dad tried to repair it, but I remember many of the individuals who occupied that space for a time and how much I enjoyed them while they were there. And I remember the love of a father who did all that he could with all that he had to make his little girl happy.
Like Dad says, it is okay to do something poorly until you can learn to do it well. Too bad he only built one turtle pen.
Skeeter, Scatter and Scooter, the Three Scared Mosquitoes from Schenectady
Posted by: | CommentsMy mother, the woman my father call the Redhead, taught all of her children to call out for their father if they got scared in the middle of the night. She would tuck us into bed and give us a hug and a good-night kiss and then begin her nightly speech, “Now,” she’d say, “If you wake up in the middle of the night and you’re afraid holler for Daddy and he’ll come running.” Mama said he was easier to wake up than she was….we didn’t find out until years later that she just didn’t want to have to get out of bed.
I am so glad Daddy was the one we learned to call for because I doubt seriously if Mama would have made up great stories to calm us down and get us back to sleep like Daddy did. Our favorite story, the one we requested most often, was about three scared mosquitoes from Schenectady, New York. The story always started in the dark of night with the “skeeters”, as Dad called them, in some dire predicament and running scared. In no time they’d be flying around looking for a safe place where only good and happy things happened. They always seemed to find a hole in the screen of an unknown bedroom window and then Dad would announce that they were looking for a nice warm bed to hide in and hoped they could get a bite to eat as well…..then he’d say, “Quiet! Do you hear something?” The tension would mount until finally Dad would announce loudly, “Why, it’s Skeeter, Scatter and Scooter, the three scared mosquitoes from Schenectady and they are here to eat you!” Then he’d grab us up in his arms and make munching noises as he pulled our heads together in a big bear hug. We’d all laugh, our fears long forgotten, and he’d kiss us goodnight.
I like to think that some of Dad’s great story telling talent was honed in the inky black nights that he courageouly battled to bring light and love, peace and an eventual return to sleep, to the children he cherished.
But, just so you don’t think his children could totally schmooze him he’d give us a motivational speech as he walked down the hall to his room “If I hear any giggling I’m going to have to come in that and swat those mosquitoes!”
Precious memories…thank you Daddy!
What Lies Ahead
Posted by: | CommentsWhat Lies Ahead
Once my father, Zig Ziglar, and I were talking about his short-term memory loss and the fact that it seemed to be getting worse. He said, “You know, it is hard to think that all of this [his speaking career] is coming to an end, but when I consider what lies ahead of me I can’t help but be excited. Jesus said He was going ahead of me to prepare a place so wonderful, so magnificent, that the mind cannot fathom its grandeur. I’m really looking forward to that.”
I believe that is Dad’s secret to being happy and positive — he is ALWAYS looking forward to the next great and wonderful thing. He is aware and certain of what lies ahead of him. Are you aware and certain of what lies ahead of you?
Get The Chipmunk!
Posted by: | CommentsOn Thursday, February 11, 2010, I spoke for the Women’s Council of Realtors in Dallas, Texas. I was stunned that I began listening to my talk as I was giving it. It was vaguely annoying because I needed to be focused on what I was saying…not on what I needed to do– because I suddenly recognized that I had something in front of me to do.
I’ve had a few more days to consider what was going on during that talk and I’m ready to “Get the Chipmunk!” If you attended the meeting, you know that “getting the chipmunk” means that you stay focused on what God has put in front of you to do and you do it now! You don’t get sidetracked, consider your options, or the “what-if’s,” you just “do it now”! The chipmunk story is an analogy that I use to encourage people and it came about because my father, Zig Ziglar, did the impossible when he chased down and captured my pet chipmunk with his bare hands! That story, combined with what my pastor, Gene Smith, taught me, is making it difficult for me to accept the “status-quo.”
My pastor taught me that I don’t have to worry about the particulars of what God’s will for me might be…I only have to be available and willing to be obedient to do what God has put in front of me to do. I’ve been tasked, since my telling of the chipmunk story last Thursday, with losing the excess 35 pounds I’ve gained over the past ten years. Yep, that’s what’s in front of me to do, and I’m going to do it using the same faith, the same determination, the same self-discipline, and the same simple tool I used to quit my three-plus-pack-a-day cigarette smoking habit.
When I quit smoking over 15 years ago I used duct tape to wrap my pack of cigarettes and I wrote “God and I can do this” on the tape. I made myself a promise that if I wanted a cigarette, I had to go through that duct tape and through my belief that God and I could get my smoking habit taken care of. I carried that pack of cigarettes with me for years…you never know when the urge might strike! Now, I’m going to wrap my Snickers bar with duct tape and a note that says “God and I can do this!” and I’m going to commit to having to go through that note – and through God – to get something sweet if I decide that I just have to have something sweet.
You see, I know sweets are the main addiction I have to food, as are simple carbohydrates that convert quickly to sugar in the blood stream. I think those foods change the way I feel and that is the problem. I need to go to God to change the way I feel; not to food. I’ve struggled with this problem since my early teens and have lost and gained hundreds (probably in excess of a thousand) of pounds over the years. Today I’m going to commit to “get my chipmunk.”
I’ll keep you posted on the progress, the trials, and the triumphs.
My weight today is 159, just nine pounds under my all time high.
HELP
Posted by: | CommentsI’m learning that it is wonderful to need help. Years ago, a counselor told me that I was too independent. He said I needed to learn to be interdependent and that until I did, I would be missing out on one of the most wonderful aspects of having relationships.
Over time I got a little better at needing others, but overall I still tend to be an “I can do that myself” kind of person. Asking for help is hard. I have never wanted to be an inconvenience or burden to anyone, and though I hate to admit it, pride has played a part in my attitude toward needing help. After all, Daddy always said I was “the little one who was everywhere doing everything.” I have a reputation to uphold.
Rotator cuff surgery reduced me to a heap of shameless neediness. It also opened the door for me to bask in the priceless care and attention of my daughter Jenni. Oh, how I wish I had heeded my counselor’s words earlier. I have felt so loved and special and treasured — and did I say loved?
Jenni has driven the 50 miles to our home every third day since December 2, 2009. She vacuums, cleans, empties the dishwasher, keeps me company, picks up stuff I need from the store, fixes my Blackberry, sets me up with better Facebook tools, and that is not all. Jenni cleans my horse stalls! And she cleans them even better than I do….and that is saying a lot.
I just want everyone to know that independence really isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Getting to reconnect with my daughter after all these years of her being married and raising her own family has been a blessing I hadn’t anticipated. I’m thinking I might get my knee fixed a lot sooner than I originally planned.
A NEW YEAR BEGINS
Posted by: | CommentsI’m flying to Florida with my parents, Jean and Zig Ziglar. Dad has two speaking engagements and these will be his first times to speak in 2010. When Dad fell down the stairs in his home in March of 2007, and sustained a head injury that resulted in profound short-term memory loss, we had no idea how long he would continue to speak.
I believe that the almost three years we’ve been on the road together are all a gift from God. A gift to me and a gift to everyone my dad has impacted with his incredible attitude of perseverance, adaptation, and hopeful expectation that tomorrow really is going to be even better than today. “Why, the possibilities are endless!”
The resonance of his voice rings in my ears as I write the words he loves to say. The joy he has when he listens to someone explain how something he taught them changed their life for the better is visible, almost palpable, and it is evident to all who witness this scenario that he takes none of the credit but celebrates fully the accomplishment of the one thanking him.
With my dad it is never about him. He is much more interested in you than he is in talking about himself. He wants to know how you are doing, what you are doing to improve your life, if you are married, happy, successful, and if you know his Lord, his Savior, Jesus Christ. He’ll gladly help you in any and every area of life that you will allow him to, and he’ll count it as his joy and privilege.
My dad lives his life thinking about others and how he can help them. If all of us make the decision to be just a little more like Zig Ziglar this year, 2010 will be “better than good”!
